Anyone that knows me personally knows that I’m very reserved. It’s always been easier for me to be there when others wanted to talk than for me to go to someone to talk. I had to teach myself to be more open especially those people that I wanted to be close to.
I could tell I was frustrating my fiance with how reserved I was because I would expect him to tell me his secrets but I “couldn’t” share mine. So I decided that I especially needed to be more open and I thought I could share what I did to make it easier and maybe it’ll help you too.
- I started by letting him know that some topics will take more time than others and patience and gentleness always helps
- Next comes baby steps. Get use to talking about the topic on a surface level. If talking about past relationships is difficult but you feel it’s something you should share start small. Start with how it feels. Or talk about it in third person until you can share the full story.
- Decide which topics are off limits(unless you’re about to get married….)For example maybe for you religion is off limits. Or Sex. Whatever it may be sometimes having limits can help you feel more comfortable if they respect those limits.
- See if your partner will share something of the same topic with you. Let’s say your trying to open up about things you don’t want to do in bed, have them share first. Sometimes having someone talk about embarrassing topics first breaks the ice for you and it’s not as uncomfortable.
- This one might sound immature but write it down. Ask them to read it when you’re not around. I did this with my SO, sort of. I gave him permission to read my journal when I wasn’t around. Everything in it was personal but a lot of it was things I was uncomfortable sharing or I couldn’t explains quite right out load.
So there are just a few things that helped me get closer and more open with my partner. I’ve even discussed some traumatic things that I’ve been through and now I feel most closer and much more secure about our relationship.
I’m an aspiring cognitive therapist that currently works as a child care provider.