I learned that some difficult situations is just life throwing curveballs. And some situations are directly related to a choice I made or something I did and it led to a consequence I didn’t like. If it seems that you keep have the same troubled problems in your friendships or romantic relations than maybe there’s something your doing/or not doing. But don’t be discouraged, because if you can get to the bottom of it after this post that means you can fix it. That means you hold the power to have the type of relationship your looking for.
Now since I don’t know each one of your stories personally, not all of these steps may apply to you. So decide for your self which steps are for you, and don’t lie to yourself.
Don’t put yourself last, all of the time. People will tell you relationships take sacrifice. And that’s true. But you shouldn’t sacrifice who you are and what you love. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your needs and wants all the time. If that’s what is asked of you, put your foot down. No is a fine term to use but you have to mean it. Learn to say what you want. Its healthy for a relationship for everyone to have their needs met. But not everyone will have there need a met every second make sure you feel like your heard too.
Don’t put yourself first, all of the time. On the flip side if your use to being assertive or even aggresive maybe try to listen to the needs of your friends or S.O. a little more. Try to balance the decision making. Let them be heard and be patient. Maybe not everyone makes up their mind as fast as you. Make them feel heard and that their needs matter too.
Stop the blame game. If you did something wrong own it. Pride has ruined plenty of otherwise good relationships. Trust me its not worth it. Also maybe their the ones your mad at, maybe your SO did something wrong. How big is the issue. Did it cause you to get lost? Is it something you might laugh about later? Well let them know it bothered you then let it go. Don’t be baited into a its your fault/ their fault argument. Something’s are OK to put down. Or at least wait till later when your not so mad
Get alone time. Not every activity has to be done with your friends, family, or significant other. Go out in the world by yourself. Is there something you want to try but no one wants to go with you, go alone. I know, its nerve wracking. But it doesn’t have to be big. Maybe stay home and work on a hobby. If you live with your S.O or roommate take a walk by yourself. Work in some alone time where its just you and your thoughts. Maybe even write them down.
Take a break from dating. This is for the ones that keep having the same problem with different faces. You feel you just attract bad apples. Your self esteem is dwindling and you never see your friends. Maybe you put so much into your relationships you feel you didn’t get anything back. Relationships, especially romantic ones are about building something together with someone. But if you are only half built yourself, or have cracks that you haven’t mended then how can you plan to build a strong foundations. Its alright to take a break from dating and just work on yourself gor awhile. Maybe get yourself a coach. You know, build yourself.
I’m an aspiring cognitive therapist that currently works as a child care provider.